he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
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He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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