:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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