i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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