I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
