You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
