I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
