Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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