too bad you live with your parents still
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
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That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
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I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.