I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
