im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
