Midget sex pt 2 tonight
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
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Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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