farters have to be the big spoon...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
