At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
