I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
