i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
