Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
