does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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