Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
