I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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