If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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