Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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