MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
