only if we run a train.
done.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
