3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
