remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
