there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
