I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
and she was petting her beer can
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
