Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
