i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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