can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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