Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize