It's Friday. Sex?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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