after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
