In America we eat man semen.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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