i jhust puked up my retainher.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
