ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
