My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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