Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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