Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
