yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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