Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
