Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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