Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it glows. i had to have it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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