Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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