guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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