Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
