I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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