My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
This girl is more easily done than said...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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