Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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