i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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