just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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