just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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