I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
