What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
