I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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