Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
