you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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