what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
