i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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