He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
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I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
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After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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