She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
