Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
