do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
