if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
