My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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