how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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