My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i think i have two assholes
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
