sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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