Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
