I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
