this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
