a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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