you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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