The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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